“Go Back to Your Country.” So Played Out. Yawn…

Culture and tradition can be beautiful, but are not above criticism. You can love where you come from and still say, “This is wrong.”

Identity Is More Than a Place

Because where you come from is not the entirety of who you are. Culture can shape you without defining you. Tradition can connect you to your history without dictating your values. And criticism does not erase belonging. If the only way you can defend your culture is by treating criticism of it as an attack on yourself, um, perhaps the problem isn’t the criticism; it’s how much of your identity you’ve placed in something you feel compelled to defend.

Culture can be beautiful. Tradition can be meaningful. And where you come from can absolutely be part of who you are. But none of those things should be so deeply tied to your identity that criticism feels like a personal attack. You can love your culture and still recognize its flaws. You can honor your roots and still reject traditions that cause harm. You can belong without blindly conforming. Culture and tradition are not above criticism, and neither should be confused with identity itself.

Pride Without Blindness

If someone cannot tolerate the idea that you can love a culture while still wanting better from it, that reflects insecurity, not loyalty. One clear sign is the person who responds to cultural criticism with the predictable, “Go back to your country.”

At this point, I almost laugh because it’s so predictable.

Every culture, like every human being, has imperfections. Growth, evolution, and self-reflection are not threats to a culture; they are necessities for its survival. Being “loud and proud” without leaving room for criticism is not strength. It leaves no space for accountability, growth, or meaningful change, and sometimes allows harmful traditions and behaviors to go unchallenged.

You can love where you come from and still question what needs to change. You can be proud of your culture without pretending it is perfect.

Loyalty without self-reflection becomes defensiveness.

And foolishness, after all, is universal. It exists in every language, every country, and every culture! (Hehe.)

A Familiar Kind of Racism

“Go back to your country.”

That response is so predictable and intellectually lazy that, honestly, it’s unimpressive. Insert shoulder shrug.

I remember being in middle school and my sister being in elementary school when we first heard the good ol’ “go back to your country.” We were at the grocery store with my mom. When we got in line, the three of us were speaking French. An older white man was watching us with this look of disgust on his face, like an upside-down smile and frown. Then he blurted out to my mother, “Why don’t you go back to your fucking country?”

And no, he didn’t care at all that two children were standing there to hear and witness this racially motivated interaction. Of course, sadly, this was yet another incident to file away in the racial trauma compartment. At some point, you almost become accustomed to collecting these moments, even though you should never have to.

My mom, being the outspoken, bold person she has always been, stood up for herself and for us by telling him off. Something along the lines of, “Why don’t you go back to your country? Do you even know where it is?”

His response?

“I’m American!”

And there it was.

The irony was almost too perfect. He had just told three people speaking French to “go back to their fucking country,” yet when challenged about where he came from, his answer was simply, “I’m American.”

But that is exactly what fascinates me about this kind of thinking. Why is his Americanness a legitimate claim to belonging while our multilingualism, multicultural background, or appearance somehow made our belonging questionable?

My mom is white, and my sister and I are mixed, aka Black. Her speaking French with her children seemed to be enough to trigger something in him. And that is the thing about racism: the hatred is not always neatly reserved for one particular group. It can be directed at anyone perceived as different, anyone who speaks differently, looks different, behaves differently, or simply refuses to fit neatly into someone else’s idea of who belongs.

My mom actually knew where she came from. Her roots are Italian and Belgian. She speaks the languages, practices some of those traditions and values, and carries those parts of her history with her. But she has never believed that knowing where you come from gives you the authority to decide where someone else belongs.

Who Gets to Belong?

And honestly, the “I’m American!” response raises another question for me: what exactly does being “American” mean when that identity is used as a weapon against people who are perceived as outsiders?

America has a complicated history. Indigenous peoples were here long before the United States existed as a nation. Colonization fundamentally reshaped the continent, and ideas about who was considered “American” and who was considered an outsider have changed repeatedly throughout history.

So when someone uses “American” as though it is some unquestionable, exclusive identity that gives them the authority to tell other people where they belong, I have to wonder: how secure is an identity that requires someone else to be excluded from it?

Because perhaps the issue isn’t knowing where you come from. Perhaps the issue is believing that where you come from gives you ownership over everyone else’s sense of belonging.

My Life Is a Remix

Listen, when people ask where I’m from, the honest answer is: it’s complicated. Haha. The shortest, and often most amusing, response is that my life is a kind of remix. And while it wasn’t always easy, I love it.

I come from a multicultural, multiracial, multilingual, neurodivergent family that lived and traveled around the world. I was born into diversity in every sense of the word. That wasn’t something I “learned” later; it was simply my norm.

This upbringing shaped who I am and why my answer is never simple. Whenever I tried to give a straightforward response, it only led to more questions: Why do you speak this language? Why do you follow that tradition? Why do you listen to this music or eat that food?

Because for me, where I was born has very little to do with who raised me and where I was actually raised.

Choosing What Comes With Me

Having lived among many cultures allowed me to relate to people across ages, races, and backgrounds with ease. At the same time, I don’t fully identify with any single culture I was exposed to. Instead, pieces of many cultures feel like home to me.

That exposure gave me the rare opportunity to experience cultures directly, to recognize what felt healthy, productive, and life-giving, as well as what felt toxic or destructive. As I grew older, I consciously chose which values to carry forward and which traditions to leave behind.

Not everything deserves preservation simply because it is old or familiar.

The Problem with Blind Cultural Pride

One mindset I cannot relate to is blind cultural pride, the kind that refuses to acknowledge harm. I’ve seen people perpetuate unhealthy or damaging behaviors solely for the sake of “tradition,” as if endurance alone makes something virtuous.

Perhaps it creates a sense of belonging. But I don’t agree simply to feel accepted. I am already whole and complete as I am, and I can still belong without abandoning my values.

I have love for many cultures, but I can appreciate the good while also being able to identify, discuss, and criticize the negative aspects without taking offense, because I am secure. I am mature enough to understand that criticism is not a rejection of me, my loved ones, or an entire culture.

Criticism is not rejection.

It is not an attack on identity, ancestry, or love. In many cases, it is a sign of security and maturity.

Belonging Without Conformity

My stance is simple: if you choose to demean or discard me because I don’t conform 100% to a culture, then you are not for me, even if you are family. In fact, that makes the behavior more disappointing.

And to be clear: no one gets to determine our worth, our value, or our belonging. When someone tries, they only reveal their own limitations.

Wisdom Beyond Age

Wherever I am in the world, I value meaningful conversation, shared learning, and genuine connection. People often equate age with wisdom, but wisdom is not guaranteed by time.

I once read, “Just because you aged doesn’t mean you developed,” and the accuracy was undeniable.

I choose the company of those who have developed, or are actively developing. The greatest wisdom comes from those who continue to evolve, those who remain open, reflective, and curious throughout their lives.

Because to me, growth is not a betrayal of where you came from. It is evidence that you are still becoming.

We live in a diverse world, and it’s only going to become even more diverse. Learning how to coexist with that diversity, rather than fearing or policing it, is not a threat to our identity. It is part of growing beyond it.