Fitness Trainers, Life Coaches, Therapists & Ableism.

Neurodiversity awareness is crucial; ignorance can be harmful.

Whether diagnosed, undiagnosed, or not yet realizing that you may be neurodivergent, awareness is crucial. Ignorance can be harmful and make one's life more difficult. Neurodivergence can affect many aspects of your life, whether you have low or high support needs. It can influence how you process information, manage emotions, initiate tasks, maintain routines, respond to stimulation, regulate attention, and navigate relationships and everyday responsibilities.

It is important to understand that neurodivergence can look very different from person to person. Some people may have obvious challenges, while others may become extremely skilled at masking or compensating for their difficulties. This is one reason awareness is so important, particularly when working with people in positions of guidance, support, or authority.

What Ableism Can Look Like

Ableism can be intentional or unintentional and is often rooted in ignorance and/or the assumption that disabled people require "fixing." It can show up in comments such as, "Try harder," "You don't look like you have a disability," "___ doesn't exist," "Yeah right, you're just lazy," "You're irresponsible," or "You have no discipline."

Ableism can also mean concluding or making assumptions about how another person functions or operates based on what you believe they should be capable of doing. It is the discrimination and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior.

Not all ableism comes from a place of malicious intent. Someone may genuinely believe they are helping while unknowingly reinforcing harmful assumptions. For example, telling someone to simply "try harder" may seem motivational, but if that person is already trying as hard as they can and their difficulty stems from executive functioning, sensory challenges, attention regulation, or another aspect of their disability, that advice may only add shame to an already difficult situation.

The Impact of Internalized Ableism

There is also such a thing as internalized ableism. This can be especially common when someone was raised by individuals who were ignorant about mental health differences, neurological differences, or disabilities, or when they were raised in an environment where their struggles were repeatedly criticized, dismissed, or misunderstood. It can also come from the pressure of living in a society that has historically stigmatized disabilities, mental health differences, challenges, and disorders.

Over time, someone can begin to internalize those messages. They may start believing that they are lazy, irresponsible, undisciplined, or simply not trying hard enough. They may wonder why they cannot seem to do things that appear so easy for everyone else. For someone with a hidden disability, this can be particularly difficult because other people may not see what they are experiencing internally.

Many people simply do not understand what it means or feels like to have a disability, much less a hidden disability. As a certified life coach who has also spent time on both sides of training and coaching, I want to shed light on an important consideration.

Some people have spent years, sometimes their entire lives, believing that their difficulties are personal failures when they were actually struggling with something they did not yet understand. Imagine spending years being told that you are lazy when you are actually struggling with executive functioning. Imagine constantly being told that you have no discipline when you genuinely want to make changes but cannot consistently get yourself to initiate or sustain the actions required.

That kind of misunderstanding can become deeply internalized.

When "Lack of Discipline" Isn't the Problem

A neurodivergent brain is wired differently. This does not mean that a neurodivergent person cannot be disciplined, motivated, successful, healthy, or consistent. It means that the processes involved in getting there may not always work in the same way they do for a neurotypical person.

And this message is NOT intended to discourage anyone from working with a fitness trainer, life coach, or therapist. If it works for you, stick with it. This is for those who find themselves struggling to maintain discipline, structure, and consistency despite having great guidance and genuinely wanting to make the changes they so desperately intend on making.

That experience can lead someone to internalize why they cannot seem to make the changes they want, when the issue may actually be that the approach being used does not account for how their brain functions.

This is why it is so important to continuously educate ourselves, both as individuals and as people who are in positions to guide others. The last thing anyone needs is more harm done by someone who genuinely believes they are helping.

Neurodivergence Is More Common Than You Think

If you have been ignoring the ever-growing awareness and recognition of neurodivergence, you are missing out on valuable knowledge. Awareness is growing, and that is necessary. You likely have one, if not multiple, people in your close social or family circle who are neurodivergent, whether you or they realize it or not.

Neurodivergence is very common, but it can take a variety of forms and present with different challenges. Just as a fingerprint is unique, so is neurodivergent presentation. While you may find a good amount of commonalities between people, there may also be vast differences.

It is important to remember that some people have lived many years, sometimes their entire lives, undiagnosed or unaware that they are neurodivergent. They may have normalized layers of struggles that have wreaked havoc on their nervous system. Suffering, if you will, can become the default mode for some.

This is why diagnosis and awareness can be so significant. Having an explanation for something does not magically make the challenges disappear, but it can change the way a person understands themselves. Instead of asking, "What's wrong with me?" they can begin asking, "How does my brain work, and what can I do differently?"

ADHD, Dopamine, and Understanding How the Brain Works

If you are working with a therapist, coach, or fitness trainer who does not have knowledge of neurodivergence, it could potentially be harmful, and it may simply not be helpful for you to work with someone who does not understand how neurodivergence can affect the person they are guiding.

As a trainer and coach, I can say that there is a difference when working with a neurotypical versus a neurodivergent individual, as I have coached both and have also been a client to both.

If not properly understood, one may think that it is harder to work with a neurodivergent person, but this is not necessarily the case. When you are aware and educated, you can approach the individual differently and work with their strengths rather than continually pressuring their disabilities.

For example, motivation and accountability can work well for someone with ADHD, but it is crucial to have a vast array of tools in your mental health toolbox. ADHD can involve things such as executive function challenges, task paralysis, overwhelm, difficulties with task initiation, attention regulation, reward processing, and dopamine regulation. These challenges can affect a person's ability to consistently do something even when they genuinely want to do it.

Dopamine plays an important role in the brain's reward and motivation systems, and differences in dopamine regulation are associated with ADHD. This is one reason it is important to understand that what looks like a lack of motivation from the outside may not actually be a lack of desire or willingness.

Some people with ADHD take medication as part of managing their symptoms, while others do not. Some may choose not to take medication, while others may not be able to tolerate certain medications because of sensitivities or side effects. Treatment and support can look different from person to person.

Regardless of whether someone takes medication, understanding how their brain functions can be extremely valuable. When we understand what may be contributing to a person's challenges, we can begin looking for ways to work with those differences rather than simply demanding that the person overcome them through willpower.

This is important because these differences can affect much more than productivity or whether someone completes a task. They can influence eating habits, exercise routines, mood, relationships, emotional regulation, and many other aspects of everyday life.

Awareness Matters More Than Labels

While individuals in these roles may not possess magical abilities, understanding how a neurodivergent brain functions differently can be very helpful. The goal should not be to "fix" someone or pressure them into functioning exactly like everyone else. The goal should be to understand how they function and learn how to work with those differences.

A neurotypical professional can absolutely be an excellent trainer, coach, or therapist for a neurodivergent person. They do not have to personally experience neurodivergence to be knowledgeable, compassionate, effective, and supportive.

The issue is awareness.

If someone in a guiding role does not understand neurodivergence and is unwilling to learn, they may misunderstand some of the people they are working with. They may unknowingly steer them toward strategies that do not work for them, or they may begin to feel that the client is wasting their time, not committed enough, or simply unwilling to change.

That is where ableism can become particularly harmful, especially when the person receiving guidance has already spent years being told that their struggles are character flaws.

Why My Own Experience Matters

In my case, I find it easy and even fun to work with both neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals, but only because, in a sense, and to an extent, I speak "neurodivergence," if you will.

I am neurodivergent and come from an entire family of neurodivergent individuals, so I am very familiar and comfortable in this sense. My own experiences have given me an understanding that I believe is valuable when working with others.

That does not mean that I believe lived experience is the only way someone can understand neurodivergence. It is not. Education matters. Curiosity matters. Listening matters. Being willing to adapt matters.

A person does not have to be neurodivergent themselves to be an excellent professional. But they do need to understand that the person sitting in front of them may not respond to the same strategies that work for everyone else.

You Are Allowed to Interview Your Therapist, Coach, or Trainer

The best approach when it comes to things outside of our control is to do our part.

What I suggest is writing questions, concerns, experiences, or thoughts down that you feel may be important preliminary information to review with a therapist, coach, or fitness trainer. Do not be afraid to ask questions about their experience with neurodivergent clients and how they approach challenges involving executive functioning, consistency, motivation, overwhelm, or other areas that may affect you.

Remember, they are essentially being hired by you. You are the boss when it comes to choosing and investing in your wellness. This is your opportunity to interview them and determine whether they are the right fit for you.

You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to explain what you struggle with. You are allowed to ask how they would approach those struggles. And you are allowed to decide that someone is not the right person to help you.

Finding the right professional is not about finding someone who will simply tell you what you want to hear. It is about finding someone who can challenge you while also understanding you. Accountability and compassion are not opposites.

You can be held accountable without being shamed. You can be encouraged to grow without being made to feel defective. You can be challenged without having your disability used against you. The goal is not to excuse every struggle or eliminate accountability. It is to understand the difference between someone who does not want to do something and someone who genuinely struggles with how their brain allows them to initiate, regulate, or sustain that action.

Understanding that difference can change everything. The goal is not to "fix" neurodivergence. It is to learn how to work with it.